Well, you wanted weird, so here it is! All of this was written by me, totally on the spur of the moment. It's not like I was sitting for days on these, they were all made in less than about 3 or 4 minutes each. It's a peek into the strangeness that is me. Actually, it's an even better peek than my drawings since they took a long time to make. So pretend you're a psychologist and try to guess what's wrong with me. (Hint: A lot) What's even more amazing is I did all this without the assistance of any illicit substances. I only use them for medicinal means, you know.

     Once upon a time, in the land of the Chicken Gods, all men had come to realize one

thing: the armadillos were out to get them.  It was of course necessary to get together a

posse to kill the armadillos.  It was the finest assemblance of accountants, bakers, and figure

skaters the town had ever seen.  The simple folk in the town were sure that they would

succeed.  So, they got all the pens they could find and began hunting.

     Meanwhile, in armadillo country, they said "this sucks," so they rolled over and died. 



     Only Big Sasquatch knew this, but he wasn't willing to tell because of the atrocities the

townsfolk committed to his goldfish many moons ago.  So, he then and there decided he had had

enough and killed everybody on earth.

The End

Apartment Building Party

    The sun slowly crept over the late night sky.  A scream rang out in the lightness.  A shot rang

out in the darkness.  The coffee pot ran out in the office.  This was too much for the old man to

take, so he flung himself off his chair and to his doom!  This promptly scared the other tenants, so

they decided to have a celebration.  The festival, called all detergents day, was in honor of the

weeds growing out back.  The Weeds were a happy family, never owning anything except for

their socks and a small microwave, which was useless since they didn't have a pool.  After seeing

the celebration, the Weed family had a choreographed heart attack and was eaten alive by the

pygmies who lived in downtown new York (Rough neighborhood you know!).  There lifeless

bodies were then killed by Herr Blachler, who moved here from Pakistan.

The End



The Magilla and the Mice

     As you all know, mice are the best poker players on earth.  One day, Mr. Magilla got

suckered into  a card game with some mice and lost all his clothes to them.  He couldn't go home

like that so he asked the mice to beat him senselesss.  Little did the mice realize this was actually

the signal for the intergalactic Magilla protectors.  Well, they done gave the mice a whuppin but

good.  Unfortunately, Magilla never got his clothes back because the Magilla protectors were

hungry and ate them.  On the upside, Magilla was impregnated by a very nice ATM and they had

a beautiful little Super-Hi Bouncy Ball.

The End

The Arse and Bum Show!
    

    John worked in a lumber mill, where he was executive producer of the daily morning

program "Arse and Bum, Live from the Lumber Mill!"  He was quite succesful until the aliens

found it offensive and started a boycott.  John wouldn't stand for this, so he went right up to the

aliens and complained.  The aliens said they would stop if he gave them a shiny nickel.  John tried

to haggle with them and finally got them to take a piece of bark and a Barbie doll with no clothes

instead.  The show regained it's succesful ratings, and to celebrate, the hosts hit each other with

pipes.

The End