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Saturday, 9/25/99

Q: My girlfriend is pissing me off. Why she wants to do this, I have no freakin' clue!!! Okay, here goes. She wants a three-some. With her, a female friend of hers, and me. What should I do???? I am scared of the consequences, whatever they might be.

A: Are you an asshole? I know plenty of guys who would love to be in your situation. On the other hand, if you're one of those "hopeless romantics" (a la Bouncing Souls), which I do not believe actually exist out there, you should grow some balls. It's not everyday that a chick will walk up to her beau and say, "Honey, I wanna have sex with another girl and I want you to watch us." And look at it this way, she must be pretty darn secure in your relationship if she can ask you for this favor. Or as my friend Dave puts it, "It could be a trick." Sure, of course it can. But then again, why not take the risk? You sound like a decent guy with some brains. Let loose a little. Have a little fun. Like I always say, do it while you're young. And Dave adds, "You can still get an erection." Not too shabby... One more thing. Always, always use protection. My mom would rather that I preach abstinence, but SHUT UP MOM!!! Good luck.

Q: Hey Professor Kat! Okay, here's my problem. I think I masturbate too much. Is 6 times a day going overboard? ~King of the Jerk

A: Yes it is. You're a moron. Dave adds, "Dude, that's fucked up."

Q: I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. My best friend saw her with another guy while I was out of town. I don't know if I should confront her or what. Maybe it was just a friend, u know? On the other hand, my best friend wouldn't lie to me. AAHHHH!!!! I have no clue what to do. Please help. ~Sleepless in Idaho

A: First of all, you should calm down and take some deep breaths. Smoke some weed if you want. Dave says, "Take some codeine." First of all, don't run up to your chick and accuse her of this heinous deed, and heinous it is. She could have just been chillin' with a good friend of hers. She actually kinda reminds me of me. I consider myself a fairly good girlfriend and yes, I have a plethora of male friends, some of which my boyfriend does not even know I have. My friend Miranda suggests hiring a private eye to spy on her. You know, this isn't a bad idea. If you have the money to shell out, look for some hard proof to hit her with. And if it turns out that she is cheating on you, you can post all the pics of her cheating all over Idaho. Neat, huh? But if you really think this relationship is worth salvaging, how about just telling her what your best friend said? What's wrong with a little honesty? Remember, don't start screaming and calling her a little whore. That will NOT keep your honey begging for more. Swallow your pride, your suspicions, smile, and play it by ear.

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