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Jimbo's Life Story
by Anca Risca
err the LuNcHbOx
I DEDICATE THIS STORY TO ALL THE DUST BUNNIES
Jimbo started out as a very small little creature. He was brought up on a cow farm, eating hay. He learned to regurgitate at the age of 5. The cows were very good friends of his, they let him stay with them the whole day, eating, and spewing... and eating... and spewing again...
He was very happy. He took care of a little cow that he adopted. This little cow, named Bimbo, had lost his mother because the farmer dude went & cut her up. They all watched as the farmer family ate her for dinner. Jimbo felt very bad when they did that. He did not like the farmer. The farmer ate his friends.
Over the years, Jimbo grew older. He decided to leave the farm and head out into the big city. He had dreamed about this moment for years. He had wondered what it would be like to be without the cows. One morning, he ate his last piece of hay, with Bimbo. He said goodbye to all the other cows. This made him very depressed. He took his bag of hay and started walking north, without looking back. He knew he would not be able to leave if he looked back. And so, off he went. He disappeared into the woods, never to return to the farm.
In the forest, Jimbo grew tired. He met a weird old lady. She had two big eyes that sorta stuck out , and a nose, and a mouth.. she kept repeating to Jimbo.. "In the HAM it lies.. IN THE HAM!!!!" And so the search began.
Jimbo went to his phone's house. He asked to use him, but the poor little polite phone didn't know that it was going to be used to call... long distance...
JIMBO.. then uhh.. went somewhere else, and got a phone card. It was a $25 phone card. He had 146 minutes for this call. He took some BEEF and stuffed it into the little holes in the phone. He stared at it for a while, poked it, and put it back into the little holder thing. Off to work he went, he went.
Never had he seen such strangeness. He looked up at the clouds, and wondered if there were any dead birds up there... with their little halos and harps. Some of the dead burds might have wings too. I mean birds.. birds...
"BIRDS!!!" says he. He needs to go up there with the birds. He wants a little halo and harp... and maybe some wings. But he won't get wings and he'll fall off the cloud, and he'll break his cranium and he'll have to go to a hospital. There are no clouds in the hospital building. There is only... eeeviil....
Jimbo goes to Italy the next day. He wanders around the bootlike country, looking for a weird little man. "Will I ever find him?" he wonders. Sadly, the answer is no. He never did find him, although he did find a cactus plant.
With this holy cactus plant, he sat through the night. It gave him ideas... sharp ideas. Pointy pointy sharp weirdass ideas. He started writing like mad into the ground with a stick. He wrote things that were never heard of, and answers to things that people had wondered all their lives. The cactus plant was sent down by many generations. One of the generations died all of a sudden, and the cactus plant was left mushy on the streets. When Jimbo found it, it became strong again, willing to share the knowledge it had gathered throughout the years.
"Cacti! Cacti!!" said Jimbo. "Noo noo noo!!!!" He ran out of the room like a dyslexic maniac, until he finally smacked into a little man and knocked him over. They fell down, down, down, into a hole in the ground. It seemed to be never-ending. They fell for weeks. Jimbo got hungry the second day of falling but all the sandwiches that were in his pocket were not there anymore. He thought of what he could devour. He could've eaten his wrists if he had any, but unfortunately, Jimbo had no wrists. They were stolen by a dark dark man when he was just a little boy growing up with his mother cow. Jimbimbo has always wanted to dispose of this big, tall, dark, scary, wealthy, well-groomed, infected man. He used to wear a cape, and he always had this big shadow on his face. You know, how the chick from the Adams Family always has this line of light on her eyes? Well this dude had a big shadow... and Jimbo could never see his eyes, and that upper part of his nose for that matter. Nor could he see his eyebrows. Hell it could've been his hamster in disguise. Guinea Pig. Jimbo had named his hamster Guinea Pig. Guinea Pig had died in a foot accident. Some person's big foot seemed to have stepped on Jimbo's beloved Guinea Pig. He loved Guinea Pig. He was his life, his love, his happiness... and it all died for him. It all died. he was DEPRESSED!!!! Depressed I say! How could he live another minute without Guinea Pig?? How was he going to spend his life? Sadly, this foot that destroyed his happiness was of the big, tall, weirdass man. This man was the devil in Jimbo's eyes. He probably had the shadow on his eyes because of that... because his eyes were made of dark fire. The man of Dark Fire.
Jimbo started crying. He took the knife he had in his hands, thought for a minute, and went back to cutting. He was crying even more now, trying to make his eyes stop feeling like they were being peeled off layer by layer. He closed his eyes, stopped for another minute, and put his hands over them. He opened his eyes only to find a piece of it stuck onto his hand. Skin. It was a little piece of skin from the onion he was cutting. His eyes were burning red and he ran out of the room crying like a madman.
He grew bored, and began experimenting with how high he could raise his eyebrows. "Wickeeed…" he says. "The earth shines too much, and it gambles its athletic shorts to the holiness of the mice almighty!!" The crowd gathered around him. "HAIL to the peacock!! HAIL I TELL YOU!!!"
A little man came up to Jimbo. He gave him a weird pathetic familiar smile and looked away. All of a sudden he pounced onto the peacock and bit its head off. This person was not mad at all, but a genius of the long lost cacti. He was adopted by a group of people that did not know of the cactus plant. He had a spiky thing from the cactus stuck in his forehead, and Jimbo had made this observation. Not only was he the little man that he fell into the hole with, but he was a man of the cacti. Jimbo walked up to the man, and poked him with a stick. The man was flabbergasted. He swiftly turned his head, and to Jimbo’s surprise, a part of the peacock was still sticking out of his mouth. There was blood dripping out of some kind of big tube in the neck of the peacock, and there were a couple of bones sticking in odd directions too. "Eeeewww.." said Jimbo. He tried to poke the peacock in that hole in its neck, but the little man was still holding it in his mouth and he grabbed the stick and started running after Jimbo.
Can you hear the Dolphins cry? Duhduhduhhh…
ChippenDale’s was right across the corner. He went in and bought himself a bright pink tutu. Once he had it on, he came out of the store. The little man was waiting for him. He dropped the bloody stick and they danced away into a tree. Friends forever they remained.
-(more to come…)-
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